Life is Hard & Pretty F*cking Beautiful.
Things struggle to open today; pressure from the outside world—the looming grand cross, perhaps—to remain resilient in the face of dishonesty. To remain focused in the face of turmoil.
I have dreams. I have dreams and ambition and plans to change the world. Through words. Through love. Through partnership and sisterhood and creativity and trust.
But there are forces set in motion to change our paths, to make us doubt the viability of our dreams. And I’ve felt those today. Pieces of trust cleave away to expose raw, misunderstanding flesh. Nerves that recoil from the April air—and I’m left wondering, how do I use this sting?
Because when our hearts feel young and inexperienced, there is blind faith to fuel us. We can listen to the beats and step in sync with the music we hear inside our happy heads. We can trust fearlessly, because the world invites us into its arms—and we’re unabashed and sure-footed and we smile wickedly in the face grey things, because we don’t feel they serve us.
As we encroach on “grownup” years our hearts and steps and confidences shift to a place of safety. And I wonder which serves us more. Safety? Protecting yourself from harm, from trusting too much, from feeling too fiercely. Or youthful abandon? To release fear, to bare our hearts, to reject the hard lessons life so violently presses against our throats.
Because some friendships aren’t rooted in friendship. And some love is dishonest. Some truths are only found-out through lies. And sometimes trust betrays us.
These are difficult lessons to learn.
In these moments, when trust eludes us, it shifts from ideal to paramount—a subtle movement, but one that will change our lives in the most dramatic, spectacular way.
Spin trust on its fucking axis and believe in yourself—a novel, insane, rebellious chess move. Do it and laugh at the naysayers as they look at you with disbelieving, pitying eyes. Do it when the ones you held close are found-out—when the blade has been felt deep in your back. Do it when it isn’t practical or sane.
Hard lessons. They prove to us that life can be cold and others calculate, sometimes against us; we can lie naked and bruised, we can cry tears of betrayal or disbelief. And we can stay like this forever, wondering how life got so ugly and hard.
Or we can create a tiny space in the deepest chamber of our heart to remember that yes, that was unfair and it stung and I don’t want to feel that again. And then we can go back to our lives and unhinge our heads to laugh at the joyful sun as it heals our bruises and dries our tears and encourages us to stand up and walk sure-footed once again.
Life is hard. But life is pretty fucking beautiful, too.
Hope will evade when we place our entire store in others—don’t do that. The greatest reserves must reside in our own hearts. Insist on trust in yourself before you invest trust in another.
Because you are here to do magnificent things. And you will.
[photo source: here]