keep smiling.

by saracrolick

Screen Shot 2015-05-07 at 8.06.25 PM

nice boys and nice girls keep smiling.
nice boys and nice girls swallow sad.
nice boys and nice girls keep smiling.
there are no nice boys or girls feeling glad.

when I was confronted by the man with the grey hair, the grey teeth, the grey breath, I winced a smile for approximately seven minutes.

in those seven approximate minutes, I learned how to seem agreeable (nice) without being rude, all the while subtly objecting to the suddenly opposite-of-nice feeling in the room. I learned how to fake nice manners like a nice girl while a once-thought-to-be-nice man touched me. in approximately seven minutes, I learned the difference between feeling nice and feeling not-nice. not-nice feels like wincing a smile through a confrontation with the man with the grey hair, the grey teeth, the grey breath.

thirteen years after those seven approximate minutes, I learned to forgive myself for that smile. I learned that forgiving the nice girl over the once-thought-to-be-nice man was a quiet revolution. I learned that not-nice feelings, like not-nice people, can change everything in as few as seven approximate minutes. I learned that claiming a piece of not-nice-according-to-whothefuckever for my own can be bravery for the nice girl who kept smiling.

the nice girl does not keep smiling.
the nice girl only smiles if she feels nice.

this post was grown on the gram

Advertisements